my brother has already outlived his life expectancy by three years

today i only had one good feeling
it was when i was on all fours
naked from the waist up
and he ate
his hummus and potato salad
and apple slices 
off my back
sir, permission to sing?
to what?
to sing, sir.
yes go ahead, sing.
so i sang
goodbye yellow brick road 
i sang for him
while he ate
off my back
and we laughed a lot
he put apple slices 
in my mouth
i noticed how dirty
the carpet was
this was the only good feeling
when he left me
i thought again
about being the
legal guardian
of a disabled adult
and wanted so much
to be a coffee table instead